2016, Hey there friend...thanks

There it was. Staring right back at me in the face. A resilient, nonetheless non talkative piece of plastic. For some reason I expected it to go "poof!" and gone on its own, out of my bag and mind like the rest of the year and my Californian experience. But no that insignificant 1month experience Ross dress for less ID card wasn't going anywhere and neither were the other more dementing and torturesome memories of pain. Even if it is long over...and even if it isn't that difficult to just..remove the darn card from the bag.

I could see that I had a problem, No I could see that I was mental, damaged, on the brink of already lost it. I could see me..no I couldn't see "Me" really, not anymore. These limbs were just limbs in movement and some of them poked out of beneath the skin trying to escape this reality and yet nobody was there to notice how sick it all looked.Some words of sympathy yes, but I was alone. And It wasn't the vocal cords straining in cries but the heart's beat that's been interrupted several times a day in conscience and unconscious nightmares.

I appreciated Ann, the villain, Sam the romantic, Jane the one who lost everything. Even if I hated them, I loved them for completing the story and making it what it was..suppose to be. Flipping through pages of any character based story gave me joy at feeling the density of the words and book..knowing that it had weight , it was real. A product of some kind of life breathing in and out. So why couldn't I appreciate my story?

Was it because I wasn't the author of myself or that I couldn't trust the author? Or was it because I was actually reaping the consequences of the choices I made? I remember saying, I wouldn't go. I remember trusting my gut in that moment of the horrors I realized might come if I went because I couldn't trust him. And then there was regret. I couldn't rid of myself of existence over and over again even if I tried just  to get rid of this regret. I was ashamed of myself, of who I was and what I further became and the choices I made to continue to stay over and over again. The relationship I had with my gut was as damaged as the gut itself vomited on several occasions. But for some reason that gut was always still there, attached. 

And I couldn't believe that I was still here, breathing in and out like those books. Wow! how merciful is he to still be there after all I've neglected. How how powerful is he, to give and and with a blink of a second to take it all away. ..It was GOD, Allah, ALL MIGHTY! When everything in this world had left and was leaving me this beating heart, this gift was still the constant and was the continuous reminder of love that I keep receiving from Allah. When I touched my skin it was still warm and my heart still beating nevertheless. And I said to it "hello"... Can you hear me?" And I cried and apologized for what I've done to it. There was so much that I took advantage of and neglected.

In that moment I found the "collateral beauty."... I kept on moving my hands all over my body, feeling that yes its dense too, it's real too. It's the product of not just some kinda of story, but it was MY STORY. Wahhhhhhh,wahhhhh. I'm hysterical now and I couldn't hug myself tighter. 

Behind was a long line of mistakes and in  front of the line was me. I had a choice to lead this line or continue to try to escape it but no matter what I would be in front of it ashamed or not. And the ironic thing was, if I didn't go through it all, it wouldn't be my story. I wouldn't see reality for what it really was and understand my creator.

Soooooooo, let's hear it for the brave, let's hear for the survivors, let's hear it for The Ann The Sam The Jane....let's hear it for the win. Let's hear it for trump who won and the Triumph the name has given us in standing together in the lessons we've learned. Let's hear it for the friend, who was not a friend. Let's hear it for the 2016. Let us hear it for the great future that our past has corrected.

And the coincidences may not be coincidences anymore. There is a wave length that we all have been jumping on and the time is coming close to stand together. For all the things that happened were lessons we needed to learn to continue our story.

My mom, she said something and I felt a smile.  A feeling familiar. Was it really what it was? a smile? Finally,  I am truly ok...I am ok being me.

Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “When everything will begin to perish only Jibra’eel, Mika’eel, and Isra’eel (Angel of Death) will remain. Then Almighty Allah will state, “O Angel of Death! who else is still spared?” The reply will be, “None but Thy Graceful Self, Who is Eternal, as well as Thy servants Jibra’eel and Mika’eel and the Angel of Death.” At this a Divine Command will be issued, “Capture the soul of Mika’eel,” at which point Mika’eel will fall like a great and mighty mountain.

Once again Allah Ta’ala, the All-Knowing, will Ask, “Who is spared?” The reply will be, “None but Thy Graceful Self, Jibra’eel and the Angel of Death.” Again the Command will be given, “Capture the soul of Jibra’eel,” at which point Jibra’eel will flutter his wings, fall into prostration and pass away.

Finally, when the Angel of Death himself will pass away, the All-Wise and Great Creator will proclaim, “In the beginning, I brought the creations into existence and I will once more bring it to life. Where are those rulers that laid claim to kingship?” There will be no answer. Then Almighty Allah Himself will reply, “Today, kingship belongs to Allah Alone, the Sole Controller.”” [Baihaqi]

Deconstructing Feminism With Sukina of Poetic Pilgrimage

Leading up to the KVS production SLOW, a blog was created as a space for different women to give their perspective on feminism. Sukina, one half of the hip-hop collective Poetic Pilgrimage, gave us an intriguing response to the question. In times of increased Islamophobia, this blog aims to be one of many safe spaces where women—some Muslim, non-Muslim, and with heritage throughout the MENA region—can speak for themselves and give a myriad of different opinions. You can read an extract of Sukina’s response below, and then listen to its full version along with many others on the blog.

“What is Muslim Feminism to you?”

One of my biggest issues regarding feminism is the fact that feminism is a 19th century concept, developed in the Western world by white women to help them assert themselves against the backdrop of white male patriarchy. As far as I am concerned, the foundations of it isn’t my conversation. That was what they did for themselves at a time when we were still enslaved, when we were still oppressed. It didn’t really have much to do with us, they weren’t really interested in the rights of Black women and the rights of indigenous women at the time. At the time it was very much about white femininity and white femaleness.  So that is the first reason why I don’t necessarily identify with that concept.

The reason why is because I feel as people of African descent, people of indigenous descent, we have always had a concept of balance (originally) when it came to the roles of men and women. That I think is a lot more legitimate than a 19th century concept. That was also against a backdrop of so much  Capitalism and all these different things. It was almost like feminism was a response to something, that is not necessarily what I’m identifying with. I feel like if we look at traditional African languages, traditional Native American culture, if we look at Aboriginal cultures, you see so much in the roles and the contributions of women and the balance of genders that we didn’t need these Western concepts to give us this sense of self. We had our own thing, our own ideas, our own identity.

I think that when you look at Islam or Muslims and then feminism, when I look at what it means to be a Muslim, I think for a lot of people the word has different connotations. For some people, to be a Muslim is just a tradition of their parents. It is a cultural concept, it’s a construct. For me, what it means to be a Muslim is a very universal, sacred idea, that has no time or space to do with a soul that lives its life in service to God. To me, Muslim doesn’t mean Moroccan, it doesn’t mean Saudi Arabian; it means a soul that recognizes and witnesses within itself that it has a Lord. And that comes with a particular way in which we live. I don’t see that to be a Muslim, that concept came just with Muhammad (peace be upon him). I see that that is a universal concept that has always existed but we just identify it as Islam now.  

With that in mind, feminism which only happened “5 seconds ago” doesn’t sit next to this universal concept. Because for me what it means to be a Muslim is an eternal universal concept. As Muslims in the Western world, we lack self-esteem when it comes to our own traditions, we are very insecure. So we are kind of “siding” ourselves with these different ideologies to give ourselves a sort of identity, a significance. Personally, I think we need to look into our own traditions. I’ve gained more of a sense of self as a woman in Islam than I had prior to that. That might seem like a contradiction for a lot of people. It is not because of a bilog that exists in Islam, it’s because of the tradition, because of the teachings. I recognize that in the Quran, when Allah talks about the soul, there is no distinction.

On the level of the soul, there’s no distinction between a male and a female soul. I follow a Sufi path within Islam, when you deal with Sufism, there comes a point where you get beyond the gender binary. It’s not about, I’m a man and you are a woman. In fact, in some circles, when you travel a spiritual path and gain certain knowledge, a certain level of enlightenment, they don’t even refer to you by gender anymore. They would say, “you are a man of God.” It translates to be “man of God” but it is not even really man. It’s not really about masculinity. It’s to do with a level of righteousness. To show you that, as you continue on this journey, these kind of binary actually don’t really exist anymore.

Not to say I don’t take away from what is happening in Afghanistan, I don’t take away from what is happening in Saudi…that there are issues of patriarchy in Muslim, African countries, but I also feel like we need to look at these countries before colonialism. The same period of time of European patriarchal systems. We also had something before that. I’m not that interested in what white masculinity did as a particular thing to our people, so now we are using white femininity to re-define ourselves. I’m not interested in that script. Do I think it is important for Muslim women to assert themselves and learn their rights, and have some level of equality? Absolutely. But I don’t think they need to go to a book by the Suffragettes to gain that.

This interview was taken by Tunde Adefioye.

http://mvslim.com/deconstructing-feminism-with-sukina-of-poetic-pilgrimage/

IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO IMAGINE HOW SOMEONE FEELS,
THEN YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUDGE THEM

WUDU'

Abu Huraira (رضي الله عنه) reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلّم) said, “When the Muslim – or believing – slave does wudu’ and washes his face, every wrong thing at which his eyes have looked leaves with the water – or with the last drop of water. When he washes his hands, every wrong thing which his hands have touched leaves with the water – or with the last drop of water. When he washes his feet. every wrong thing to which his feet have walked leaves with the water – or with the last drop of water, until he emerges cleansed of sins.”

CAN THE MODERNIST ALSO BE A TERRORIST? RELIGION THE OPRESSED?

So there's this monster that most millennials and such parents tell their kids about these days and it's called "Religion"

And as much as our parents use to tell us not to talk to strangers, people now say don't talk to religion.

They say  don't talk to religion, don't believe in those imaginary things, might of fact it's depressing that half of the world is still practicing religion.

These religious people are delusional and brainwashed..."hey just like I'm brainwashing you right now too"... I guess they should say

That's ok. As a Muslim person,  I say it's ok. You are entitled to your own decisions and opinions. BUT DONT CROSS THAT LINE.

Because there is a line and it's been crossed.

How far would you go to being so disgusted by something that you would start dictating and treating it like you wouldn't want it to treat you? Dictate to you?

Don't be the that monster you accuse religion to be. Oppressive and demanding  for people to be like you. Not even suggestive or in positive words to share what you believe in too.

It's not a book that fell from the sky. It's a tradition that people have followed before it was written. A  tradition that you have in your own way too. In your family, with your friends, and morals you claim to have.

RELIGION. Is a way of life based on a belief. You too have a religion.  You too have something you believe in and follow. Even if you are a atheist, well you follow that way of being don't you? 

These old traditions, allllllll these outdated things.. that of course you too practice on your own in your own way.

But yet we are all packaged nowadays and shipped off to "you don't deserve my acknowledgement" land. The we, the all media portrayed religion that is sandwiched into one ugly monster that you tell your kids about.

We are not even recognized as separate beliefs.

It's kinda hard to understand something you refuse to understand huh? To even acknowledge it. Because when you fear...I mean hear of something "blahh blahh religion"...you automatically see and hear what is being said as false and delusional and.. oppressive and dum and ignorant, and bizarre and un educational, and AND AND AND

Class dismissed. Before it even started.

Or let's say not passed the first 15 minutes.

You run soo far away from what you think will control you and tell you what to do. Ehhh em..but did you take a look around at your life, at the body you call free that is in this world, this universe, and realize how free you think you are? Pick your poison as they say in alcohol worship...pick your control.

But of course freedom to you is your own control. A world where you are your own control.  But then who is defining what you fear is delusional now? 

Can I get a better word then the negative mundane one called 

Brainwash? ..because sweetheart we are all brainwashed

I'm not asking you to lend me your ear, even though I've lend you mines many times. Even though I just came from your point of view, and that there can be so much benefit in learning from each other. All I am asking is 

CAN You please not cross that line you fear of yourself? 

Because on the other side of that line

I don't want to be told that I am brainwashing my kids and that I need to stop.

I don't want to be told that I need to undue my own brainwashing

You believe things that I believe is wrong, that is fine because I also believe things you do are wrong too.

However I understand some religious people cross that line, but there are many who don't and I can speak from my own religion, in islam and say

.. just because we believe the things you do are wrong doesn't mean we believe that "you are wrong". 

On that other side I don't want to be told that I don't have freedom of speech while you can march in as many protests as you like and I can't share my voice of religion with people who care to listen in the public eye.

And forgive me if I ever seemed as if I was telling you about something you didn't want to hear. I guess I thought I might of been speaking into our similarities for those who I know or knew.

There is an education here for us all and that is to live peacefully.

Open your mind to not what you think you know, but what you can possibly understand from me too. You'd be surprised that its not what you originally thought about it at all...this big religious misconception.

And like wise from all of us packaged,

to you too

Signed a Muslim

EMPATHY that song you hate to hear

There's no way a unemphatic person can understand empathy so easily. 

So I invite you, if you are this person

to come close.

Come really close and put the palm of your hands on my chest. 

Hear a throbbing throb

and nothing else.. for a while

Feel the blood running in and out

Feel my warmth against your skin

and my breathing going up and down

And ask yourself, what is that? 

Does it seem familiar to you? 

Would you save it if it needed saving? 

Does it remind you of your own beating?

HIJAB

There's a million and one blog posts about Hijab, go look it up. The end.

But don't leave yet. Perhaps I should write something because I am a "Hijabi" huh?

Alrighty then..

It's a piece of cloth that wraps around my head that most people view as a mandate given to me by a man.

They have no idea what's under here...and that is the point!

Wouldn't it be nice if women were finally seen for something other then their looks? Like for example their brains or their actions, their character?

My Hijab is not just a piece a cloth, its a philosophy, a belief that requires a lot of courage to embody because of today's modern construed idea about religion.

Its like pretending to be blind and deaf for a while to see how nasty people can be to you right in front of your presence. Like stepping to the other side... I dare you to wear it to see what I mean . I dare you to be somebody else for a while.

I wear it to protect my body as much as I can from lustful eyes. And that man who will see me for who I really am, respect me and earn my trust one day will get to unveil it. That man who will hear my heart beating faster than he can see my skin sweating.

And did you know there's also a piece of Hijab cloth inside my head, and also taped on my mouth, ears... And when I blink it also acts as  blinds to my eyes taped around my eyelash lids?

Yes my Hijab is everywhere.

Although it wasn't before... In my past.

I was never  forced to wear this and I mean when I became a adult, you know before the " you better go to school and get your education because we care about your future" parental time. I didn't quite understand the want or need to believe in it.

"Men should control themselves. Its their fault and they should stop oppressing woman." I believed it all and was an advocate for that speech.

Then came along a experience that truly belongs in hell and because it belongs in hell l had a taste of hell on earth.

The world's glamor and glitz were gone. The mirror I use to look at to dress attractive was shattered. And I was left with the question...

Who am I ?..who am I  really?

Because now that its all gone and Ive been used up really well by this guy, who could care less about how I look anymore or who I am. Nor did he appreciate my sincere sacrificial efforts for him.....so then what is left? 

I didn't think I could remember because I have forgotten for so long. And I worshiped everything except my own  soul and who I always believe created it.

I began asking myself... OK so yes a man needs to control himself  but doesn't a woman sometimes participate too? 

What am I participating in?

What I DO want to participate in is standing up for women. 

I didn't need to know her but  I wanted to respect her presence walking next to him and knowing that I am not participating in her heartbreak at his disloyalty.

I wanted to stand up for the little girl who I might have in the future and not only explain to her but  also exemplify what she is truly worth.

And as I chose this, I chose to follow it as much as I can. A choice that says I'm not limited to wearing whatever I want at home but in public eye I continue to offer honesty by being plain. There are many levels a person could follow in Islam.

And to the man,  I will participate in fairness with you. I will participate for a better world with you. Because as much as people say you tell me what to do, my fellow brother.. They too are told what to do by men.  Don't they have a fathers, brothers, a male president they listen to? Maybe we don't listen to everything you say but that doesn't mean we shouldn't listen at all. What's truly sad is that some women think they're not being told what to do at all by men yet they unknowingly follow the worst of men called hidden societal oppression that claims false freedom for all.

So brother, we both know in Islam we believe it is not you who claims the truth of what you might say , it is whom we both believe to be God.  People continue to fail to understand that this belief was initially shared by both women and men. Not  a man who mandates.

Islam divides and shares the responsibility of dignity, and modesty in a balance between both men and women for the better of the world. They too, the men are suppose to have similar coverings, and actions to guard theirs and women's modesty as well. Have you ever seen a man in a Hijab?

..Yet the world doesn't hear that side or see it in the media.

Yet the world still doesn't get it...

Women's Rights In Islam Liberated OR Subjugated - Dr Zakir Naik Mumbai 2009 Complete Full Lecture