So first of all, its not called polygamy. And at this point I have typed in a couple of backspaced/erased sentences already. How do I frame up such a controversial subject? How do I begin to write about something I've been on both sides of the argument of and now in the less popular understanding?
I am a woman aren't I? I stand up for woman, right? I've experience a woman's hurt in a relationship, in a marriage.. of course?
Well..As I take a deep breath, and my fingures continue to move.. I am proud to type that
"I know exactly what I want to say"
This is who I choose to be...Islam.
This is what I choose to believe in, after considerate amount of research from a very young age till now...Islam
More than 80% backed by science, reason/logic...Islam
I have never been more trusting of anything in my life than in....Islam.
This is what the Quran the holy Islamic book says
""And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course. "
In this quote there are two sides..
Looking into the historical background of the reason why Islam has set a ruling for multiple wives, we can say that before it was permissible by Islam for men to have only up to four wives, Arab tribes and perhaps others around the world were having more than four wives. Islam in opposition to men's abuse of power limited it to four. Reasons are also found in health,biological survival of human race and other reasons that can come up in the future of our existence that we may not know of yet.
Four?!!!! Why not 1? Yes, I know I've questioned that too. To most of my questions I understood answers to. To others, I still have an education to continue to pursue. As this is a way of life...hence religion "Islam=to submit to peace" is a journey. Just like we are not born knowing or even dying and understanding the great mysteries of life. But while Islam proves to be true so often with new discoveries in science..I will choose to pursue it as it continues to be more than 80 percent backed by science and logic.
The answers that I understood dealt with the solution to the the world's imbalanced gender percentage. While most scholars talk about female feticide and how that declines the female percentage in the world, Islam also balances the opposite effect. With the idea of multiple wives.
But why not the same regard for women marrying multiple husband's or why is even marriage a solution when it's just a piece of paper?
Marriage in Islam is a solution for human disease so that disease does not spread with multiple partners, so children have an establishment to base off on, so human beings can try to co-exist peaceful and support each other as a test of faith... because yes marriage is one of the hardest experiences in life and it makes it a even harder test because it is legally binding. So commitment is at its highest.
Continuing with the prevention of disease... while most Men around the world were marrying more than four partners and spreading God knows what. Islam limited this result to four as a solution. There's a scientific study that proves that men will have multiple partners in their lifetime before they settle down with just one. So again as Islam believes in marriage it rather men do this in the confides of marriage for decease prevention and immorality of seeking secret affairs.
It is also believed and scientifically proven that women tend to be healthier and live longer than men as an average number. This is a possible reason for disregarding woman having multiple husbands as the gender ratio would be even more drastic..Menstruation however, can be a prime reason for our health benefits, as most of our bodies carry out filth from our blood streams every month.
Another reason for this disregard could be as you can imagine that "in survival mode" men spread their seeds very easily and while it takes no time for man to inseminate it takes women 7-9 months to give birth. Lets also think about the past and the lack of modern science..who's baby would belong to what father? And would there be a line for what husband's turn it is to satisfy his male high sexual desire? Would the woman body be able to deal with having sexual intercourse multiple multiple times a day because of this? And if there was some kind of sexual intercourse limit for the well being of the female wouldn't some men be impatient anyway?
The second part of this talks about multiple wivery not being mandatory in fact it is suggesting to marry one wife if the man knows he can not treat all his wives justly. So this I feel is a very important part in the quote as it is testing the common sense of men or specifically the already existing polygamist Men. As if it is saying "here is another option, a solution that you men have not practiced well enough yet". " here is a option to human race if not in dire need of polygamy, for this to be a solution to the unjust treatment of woman. " This part perhaps is also indicating that multple wivery remains a option not a mandate because if every man was to have more than one wife then not every man would be able to have a woman to marry. But again it remains a option to the opposite effect of over population. During the time when this came about, widows spread out like wildfire because their husbands were going to war and dying. This rule was also in big part to assist those women without husbands who died or still single and unable to find marraige.
So before I visit another point let's visit the idea of what "just" is in this part of the quote. Most scholars have interpreted just to mean that the husband is equitably able to provide for each wife equally, and equally divides time,attention, gifts, respect etc etc between wives. Also behind what we Muslims believe to be words of wisdom from Allah , the absolute God is more than only what is interpreted but also reasons we do not understand yet. One interpretation that I personally believe can be associated with what "just"also means is the act of treating your wife with rights as in Islam woman have many many rights. Treating your wife with respect, with dignity. Hearing her voice, her opinion, her emotions and her humanness.
While there is no part in the Quran and the Hadith where it says to seek your wife's permission this second part proves well that this is very well needed and this is a test for men to have many considerations to ponder about this option. This ruling was intended for responsible and needed use. And to also consider that many if not all women do not want to share their lovers with other women. This alone a person with common sense can conclude that if someone does not agree with something whether they state it or not but that it resides in their gut, that this alone can cause problems for the decision the man intends to take. Acknowledging your partner's feelings is "just"
Which leads to the final point. There is also no where in our religious scriptures that women have to stay in a marriage where the man chooses polygamy with or without acknowledging her opinion. There is also nowhere where it says that it can or cannot be agreed upon before marriage where an agreement can be put in a marriage contract stating that polygamy will not take place (which happens quite often). There is also nowhere where it says women or men have to get married if in case polygamy becomes a worldwide dire need....so long as they can keep their chastity.
And in the end it finally says "this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course. "
We woman have many options in Islam too. And to say that a man can abuse this choice is to say that for example that we woman can abuse our Islamic rights and lets say ask for 3 million dollars more than what a man can afford for our dowries. However people continue to abuse religion and use it in selfish hypercritical ways. Especially in a male dominated world.
In Islam we as a human race have many options and might of fact free will but again and again we are tested to make the decision that would take us closer to the source of our existence and the idea is to always do what is proper so that we are not deviated from the right course.
As we believe Allah is the just absolute God. We believe in Allah's kindness, mercy, grace and support for every being. Female or male. Black or white. ill or well. Young or old. You or me...
We are one and we are loved and with every word from our creator
is wisdom, and it isn't to be taken lightly and purposefully misrepresented for selfish needs.
below are some helpful links and videos.. i have some trouble with one of these videos where Dr. Zakir Naik has objectified woman as properties, but again maybe I do not fully grasp what he means. My mind remains open. And I have to say he sort of makes up for that in his next video where he is being interviewed about this whole matter.
