SOME DAYS A FAINT OF GREY..

Uhhh,..uhhhh,...ummm. Ummm, uhhh... Just give a a sec its coming out. D...DA....DAC..A.

Daca. Oh wait, DACA!(confident) Yea, that's how I should say it right, or or wait.. a little more angry right DACA!( angry). 

Hmm, maybe I shouldn't say it. That's what they all said . They say I shouldn't say it or I may never see them again, not my school, not my friends, not my Saturday cartoons,  not not my bed, in the corner, a corner of a off grid street called ... NOT! The teachers. No don't say a word to your teachers if they ask you why are you not applying to college? Why are you not doing this senior trip thing? This study abroad thing? Travel thing to...another country? or the other things, DONT even talk about the other things yet...

Because at this point I don't know if you even get what I'm talking about...

But I guess I could describe it like a shadow. Shadow of a , shadow of a nothing. Because  I don't think  the majority has ever seen it or maybe not up until recent times. All I remember is extra extra read nothing about it. 

So instead it is actually that color pallet we've learned how to fade with our fingers in class, the shades of black.  It was sitting right next to you actually.  It was black for a while and some days a faint of grey depending on what kind of hide and seek game . Then when it became DACA it almost turned white. 

WHITE . To those I am talking of..., 24 years now you want me to be WHITE . WHITE like you. Up right. Crest american white. Not a speck of dirt in the veins. Not a shade of grey. But the blood yes, its red. Is it red like the stains on your hands that was careful enough not to touch the flag's crest white? Republican WHITE? , Donald Trump white?  Now you want me to be white?...DAMN 24 tears, I mean years of dirtiness huh?  No English huh? Just killing your citizens huh? Taking your tax dollars huh? Now I suppose you want me to nod yes to your bill huh? Just give me the damn paper.

I promise I won't kill your children. I promise I never did. Just give me the damn paper... 

Because these 24 years you'll never get it. Not even if you become former MR president. Mr president. Former Mr. President who takes painting classes as a new hobby with former Mr. president Bush. Not even then. Your paintings will be ugly... Because you never really learned all the shades of hiding in the dark. You never really learnt to shade and rub the black that turns to grey , that turns to see, to see us,  then turns to your crest white.

My mom she made a mistake.. a mistake in torturesome times. She didn't have your upright education but she did sacrifice it to me like everything else and also taught me to be humble and admit when wrong because I may have your education but not your crest white. And certainly this shame was not the first I wanted to talk of her, and not the last.

She is the greatest! I could ever talk about.

So sorry this one mistakes eats up your pure tax dollars, which by the way I pay too but would never been accepted enough to reap the payments benefit. Your breakfast WHITE omelette, yogurt, WHITe milk, cereal, a normal breakfast I never had every single day....while we were living in fear going day by day.  Pants to high too high above the ankles for second grade. Expired passport for an exclusive...building entrance. Hard earned dollars spent on lawyers just to say that there is nothing we can do... now... Seeing friends go off to college while here stuck with high school knowledge? 

The one thing I had which you claim to give  for free was your English, your  teach English , math, etc exchange to live in another country programs. You claim to give for free but not when it comes down to eating up your tax dollars in cases for me.

See my English is not for you, my poetry, writing, this is not for you. Its for that little girl . And now I suppose you want to give that little girl something you could be proud of. An american tiny little flag as a token of your pity after 15 years of one of your bills you're proposing?  After 15 years then I could finally open the mouth you said to shut and not to say "I'm American." The mouth many said to shut and not to say "I'm not American" but I'm not American you see.  You only want me to be and continue to be your American mistress turned American house wife.

24 years, in your bed and your the kitchen .  but you will never get it. When the next day is a dooms day deadline. When I can say I know exactly when the expiration date is. When the lights shut off in a room with no address, no name. When there will be no crest white just black. 

Explain to me, does the American flag  carry black? When anxiety is a friend's name again. Explain to me when the flag waves does it's shadow show it's future in hiding?

And now you ask what's my say?...but all that little girl wanted to just ask was "so I could stay?" 

Can you say DACA?  ..Say what? I said DACA.. Spell it  Deferred child act, it means... Yada yada ya I have to explain this over and over again. Nobody even knows what it means ...it means nothing anymore. 

Can you say DACA?  Can you say human being, can you spell it?