Lonely

I'd like to sit and examine you. I'd like to take you out for lunch, even if we do not speak, as always. 

I know I'm awkward. I'm just not use to us, you know, like this. I just want to to understand... 

So may I confess and say that being misunderstood makes me feel lonely. And lonely, it's gotten to the point where you make me feel lonely. 

You are those cold nights when I can't seem to reach my blanket. In return, insomnia loves you. 

Lonely, you are the prayer that I'm too embarrassed to talk to God about, let alone anyone. Shh don't say a word. 

And my brain has been refusing to have a conversation about you with my heart. Or maybe it just doesn't understand what on earth is going on. As if yesterday, the dinner reserved for 2 , 3, 4 was just a facade, and now we see empty seats. Or maybe that conversation is better avoided.

You know about artist block? Yea that's you, because you've plagued my supplies. So there's no one else to paint about and definitely no one to share with.

You know those nightmares when I'm crying very loud and nobody can hear me? And they just continue walking? Yea, that's also you lonely and I've dreamt of you way too many times.

You've become clock work where I say "Oh, her too, he too.." yes, it's now the expected routine that people get up and walk away. And Unsurprisingly, from a distance standing there, is you lonely.
And yes "me too" even I want to walk away. 

And ok, so I did. And now I'm back and yet you are still 

standing there. I thought this time around when I said your not real, I'd be right..
but there goes "Knock knock, who's there? " Strength, courage, resilience, persistence, creativity and faith." 

Today, I think I'll let them in and they may fill those empty seats.