COLOR CODED MESS

I’m so tired of this color-coded mess, distress, unrest is at its best when at a day’s end its always followed by a failed test. When at a day’s end here it goes again this color coded mess followed by a silent “hmph…. would you look at that again.” Then the pull of the left side comes again to the mouth returning with a bitter grin that always says  “ I told you so.”

And yet it’s still as if I got smacked right in the face and yet it’s still as surprising.

Could you believe it? It’s always delivered as a package at my front door and now it even fits well in a lyric of a song. And now it even fits well in a conversation on the next seat in he train!

It’s a wonder and it’s a pain. Yes, you could call it a painful wonderment how there are no loose ends to the effects of my cause. It really is color-coded and its scientific structure is as if it is a complicated knot that becomes untangled into a simple line. And it’s that easy huh? And sometimes I wonder if I were to do the same to the tubes of my brain if I would also then get a simple line..

But that’s like saying because of how simple this line looks I could of prevented it myself. I could have predicted these lessons myself. And in fact I did, in fact I do. It’s the burden of the spirit especially if it’s a very conscious and receptive one.

One could say this color code mess could of been prevented and turned into a color coded success. But never the less never fail to mention that we're only still human.

So it hurts to know this before you even said anything. And it hurts to preach minimalism but then the doorbell rings and it is yet another package. I’m running out of space and the lease is almost up. Sitting there, a load to bear because there is no existence for another lease and there is no existence of money for storage.

So it hurts, as the memories keep jogging this marathon and they keep following this twisted knot that is my brain with no simple line to exist. And it hurts when they turn into physical pain and it all doesn’t go away, GO ALL AWAY, please all, go away..

So the only release I get like an icepack on a wound. Like a nap in an air-conditioned room after a long hot run. Like a trip into the living room after a sweaty hot then cold chill sweat nightmare is to know that inside of all of this…inside this package I often  forget there is always a note to self. And as I take this note out to read I begin to feel the calm again.

It says “ Astaghfirullah” …”I seek forgiveness in Allah”